Getting Toasted for the First Time

Smoke Weed Everyday!

Story by DHMNZ
I thought like the rest of these Media sites that I'd add a story of insignificance to the mix. It should be as funny as fuck, but in case it isn't please leave a message (like I give a shit). Here goes...

Although I NEVER indulge in partaking of any illicit or illegal substances (this includes being party to, or arrested with), it doesn’t mean that it has not existed in my world, nor am I naive to its use and the anti social behavior that can stem from, as a direct result of its use.

From day one you start using there’s always gonna be a story attached to it. Especially first time Virgin story's are hilarious and usually provide loads of laughs for everyone, except the poor bastard its aimed at. This piece is a small brief look at getting toasted for the first time haha.



Starts off innocently enough! Usually with some arsehole running round a party or wherever you're at, partaking in drugs telling every clown with ears that we have a stoning virgin in our midst!! "Hey did you guys just see Nigel? He's just had his first Doob and look he's stoned as fuck!" The worst thing about telling everyone Nigey's he's off his tits is, ole Nigey is likely to do 3 things. (1) Admit it and enjoy it (2) Be freaking out anyways (3) My favourite, get on the defensive. Nigey justifying his level of soberness like a lawyer in court is funny as shit! and usually goes roughly like this. (1). Straightens himself up (of course). (2) In a pompous and arrogant manner, quickly informs all that is listening that he's not stoned at all. Which again is funny as fuck cause we all know he's plastered.

Then there’s (3) the self indulged sobriety test... "Again, I’m telling you bastards I’m straight as a nail!" Then Nigey will like clockwork proceed to do something insignificantly dumb to prove his soberness like write a sentence or something, which we all allow him to do, resulting in more laughs as Nigey completely balls up a simple task like writing his name, to his astonishment of course "I swear I didn’t spell Nigel X-G-T-I-O-Z!"


Then there's the ones that the fuck freak out, they're even more funnier as they pretend to be in control, but in the end can’t hold up the act and begin to crumble like Constantinople. You know what I mean, the poor bastard after his first Doobie, goes all quiet and freaks out on a chair like a moron in heat. Cross legged shaking like yer favourite Milk drink, thinking... " I’m stoned... Oh Gawd I’m stoned.. Does anyone else know I’m stoned?" 'YES' we all know your stoned." And again you get the goons who will like flies to shit, target poor ole Nigey playing head fuck games at Nigey's expense. Most of all I find the shit fucked up and funny. Wouldn’t you?

To those wanting to indulge for the first time, this is but a very brief and generic look at getting toasted. From a certain point of view (mine of course) I guess getting stoned will have its ups and downs.


Mostly downs, and should serve as a warning that stoning on a regular basis can create many friends and social experiences like regular visits from people dressed in Blue regularly visiting your home. If visited well enough by these people, that they shall in time, like a social networking site introduce you to more friends in the clink and at the expense of the Taxpayer.

JB for Dodgy Hori Media